Awful Christmas Letters
The Vault
Bobby & Bobby Productions Archive
"The Alps were suffocating. Brenda insisted the Christmas staff were 'delightful,' though I caught her counting the silver during the turkey course. We spent Christmas Eve burning the evidence. A festive ruin, indeed."
"Cabo is a moral failure. The jet sat idle while we haggled over the coastline. Mother sent a Christmas card that was simply a list of debts wrapped in gold leaf. The tree is made of plastic and resentment."
"The Hamptons gala was ruined by a collision. 'The Dividend' is taking on water, much like our Christmas spirit. We simply walked to the beach house, ignored the screams from the dock, and opened a vintage bottle to toast the end."
"Aspen is a frozen purgatory. The mansion’s floor-to-ceiling glass shattered when the tree tipped during the argument. We spent Christmas morning watching the snow drift in while the lawyers argued over the deposit."
"Father spent four hours in the liquor cabinet. Mother insisted we all wear the reindeer wool, despite the heat. If you look closely, you can see the divorce papers hidden behind the Christmas ham."